Saturday, March 9, 2013

I Can’t Stop Thinking About My Ex

After a break up it is normal for us to spend most of our time thinking about our ex-lover. We will re-hash the past and what went wrong in our relationships.

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We think about the good times and wonder how those good times turned into a break-up. Thinking about your ex too much is not healthy, as this will ultimately interfere with other important aspects of your life.

You Do Need To Grieve 

During the first few weeks after you have broken up, it is totally normal for your ex to be constantly on your mind. To not be thinking about him or her would be extremely unusual. This is the time when you are working through your negative emotions and grieving for the love you have lost. And this process is necessary for your survival.

However, if it has been a few months since the break-up, then it is extremely important that you try to switch off from thinking too much about your ex and relationship that went south. Of course, what I am saying is so much easier said that done. You need an outlet for your thoughts, such as a hobby. Some of us are lucky enough to have plenty of hobbies and activities that they get involved in on a regular basis. It’s time to become a busy bee, and get into your hobbies and interests again. Do you have interests that you are absolutely passionate about? I know that I do; my writing and my music are my great passions in life. This is exactly what you need, because when we are doing what we love the most, we feel great about ourselves.

Obsessing Is Detrimental To Your Recovery

Thinking and obsessing about our ex lover and your relationship too much can become an unhealthy exercise. Perhaps you have a very important job where you need your focus and concentration. One example is my partner – he is a nurse. He hates it when we fight as he is extremely upset and he cannot afford to overwhelmed by his thoughts and emotions as he need to concentrate on the people he looks after. You may be teacher or childcare worker, where you are responsible for other’s welfare. Any job that we do is important in the huge tapestry of life, however this is just one example where you need to be focused on your life and what you need to do each day.

Your Family And Kids Must Come First

Perhaps you are a mum or dad, and the most important thing in life you will ever do in life is raise your children. Your focus will need to be on your kids first and foremost, as they will be just as shattered by the break-up or divorce as you are and you need to tend to their needs. Children suffer most than we know as a result of separation and divorce and need you more than you know. Unfortunately given the amount of hurt and pain you are feeling, you may not see what is right under your nose. The positive of this scenario is you will have more time for your kids and this will indeed bond you together in a very special way. I know from my own experience with divorce that I could have done better for my daughter, she suffered a lot more than she will ever let on as a result of myself and her father separating and divorcing. However, she and I are very close and the best of friends, and the love we share is so unique and special and I treasure it.

Pay attention to your needs and honor them, you have the time to do that now. Your partner may be gone for the time being, but if you use this time wisely to pay look after number one; yourself, you will benefit greatly in the long run.

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Copyright © 2013 Janelle Coulton

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